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The act of killing

I watched a couple of days ago Black Swan, a movie in which Natalie Portman gave a great Oscar-winning performance. Last night, I watched American Sniper. A while ago, I also watched The act of killing, an Oscar-nominated documentary. I also read the news daily.

These four things made me think about … murder. In war, people kill. In peace, people kill. I am wondering why and what it does to them.

American sniper presents the tormented soul of a professional murderer that has and wants to do this to protect his country. Every murder changes him. Every murder affects him psychologically. After all, in war, a murder is still a murder.

Black swan shows how a tormented soul tries to protect itself by killing itself.

The act of killing presents murder from the outside showing what the death squads in Indonesia did. Not really relevant for our discussion, but what impressed me is that people been said to kill were actually killing without question.

The news show us how the people who order the murders are not affected by them at all.

Murder is one of the things I would probably never do. But I wonder about what happens in the mind and brain of a person that does this, obliged (by circumstances or people) or not.

Here is what I understood so far. The act of killing changes everything in a person`s mind. The person starts thinking about everything around through the perspective of that act. If I would kill someone, with my hand, I would probably not be haunted by it, but I would be affected like anyone else.

What I think would happen to me is that it would close me in more than now. I would be impossible to talk to and would focus on the tiniest details around. I would create a world of my own in my mind where the murder was justified or it would disappear. I would probably keep this world in my head, not sharing it with anyone. It would be my last refuge for a sane (?!?) life.

Is killing justified? Only by law and circumstances.

Does it affect people? Yes, psychologically and physically.

Does it lead to other violent acts (suicide, another murder etc.)? Yes, it can (but not necessarily).

Would I ever do it? I would do it only if someone would threaten me and my family. And I would create my world after.